Voted Women’s Favorite E-mail of the Year(2006)

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

“Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the chequebook. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

.At 9 P.M.! he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.”

You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”

Find the red dot

Another variation or the ‘exortic’ puzzle…This is the last of this kind that will be posted on My blog…to some it may not be funny…for the others if you have the time try it…

(Using Headphones is an added advantage to solve it)….

redbutton.pps

Genius…

AFRAID THAT SOMEONE WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR SLIPPERS WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM OUTSIDE  ?

FOLLOW THE SAME METHOD AS THIS

GENIUS SARDAR!–

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Guaranteed to make you smile….. especially since it’s a true story.

On july 20, 1969, as commander of the apollo 11 lunar module, neil armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.

His first words after stepping on the moon, “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “good luck, mr. gorsky.”

Many people at nasa though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no gorsky in either the russian or american space programs.

Over the years many people questioned armstrong as to what the “good luck, mr. gorsky…” statement meant, but armstrong always just smiled.

On july 5, 1995, in tampa bay, florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to armstrong. this time he finally responded.

Mr. gorsky had died, so neil armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.

His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows.

His neighbors were mr. and mrs. gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young armstrong heard mrs. gorsky shouting at mr. gorsky.

“Sex! you want sex?! you’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

…True story????…anyone???

Monkey Business..

            A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,”I’ll have a C monkey please.”
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying,That’ll be $5000.”

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, “That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?”
The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. “That one’s even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?”
“Oh,that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, VB, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.

The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?”
The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager.”

Words That Don’t Exist, But Really Should…

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people manoeuvring for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man guy lay’ shun) n Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

8 PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

Smart Kids…

1. A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher: asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl: replied, “Then you ask him”.

2. A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl: replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher: paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

3. A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead. “

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.